You know what's exhausting?
👉 Having a PhD in self-help and still feeling like garbage.
👉 Reading 47 books about nervous system regulation and still jumping out of your skin when you think someone’s mad at you.
👉 Having a morning routine longer than most people’s commutes and still feeling behind by 9 AM
👉 Knowing exactly which supplements support cortisol regulation and still losing your shit over a rescheduled meeting
👉 Being able to explain polyvagal theory to anyone who’ll listen and still holding your breath every time you hear your partner’s “tone”
👉 Owning every organizing system ever invented and still feeling like your life is held together with coffee and good intentions
👉 Having 23 meditation apps on your phone and still white-knuckling your way through Target on a Saturday
👉 Knowing the exact science behind why rest is productive and still feeling guilty for taking a nap
👉 Being the friend everyone comes to for advice and still googling “how to make decisions” at 2 AM
👉 Having your therapist on speed dial and your nervous system on high alert
👉 Meal prepping like a boss on Sunday and eating crackers over the sink for dinner on Wednesday
👉 Journaling every morning about self-compassion and then talking to yourself like you’re your own worst employee
👉 Having a color-coded calendar for optimal life balance and still saying yes to things that make you want to fake your own death
👉 Knowing that comparison is the thief of joy and still stalking your college roommate’s instagram at 2 in the morning
(Phew. Exhausted just writing that list)
Here's what I've learned after 12 years of coaching hyperachievers, over thinkers, energy managers, and perfectionists....
Most of your problems aren't actually problems. They're just really complicated stories you tell yourself about simple situations.
Hi! I'm Kristen and your inner critic does *not* scare me.
Other people tiptoe around her, try to understand her, or negotiate with her childhood wounds.
Me? I just stare her down until she gets uncomfortable and leaves.
Your inner mean girl/critic (whatever) has met her match.
What it looks like:
- Client's inner critic screams about work drama for 9 minutes → I give you 27 seconds of truth that shuts it down
- Client thinks stopping a habit is "impossible" → I remind her to find evidence that it IS (and proof she's already done it a thousand times before)
- Someone spirals about whether to leave their marriage → DUH, first stop managing his emotions
Your inner critic has been the loudest voice in your head for years?
Cool. I'm louder. And I'm on YOUR side.
While everyone else tries to fix you so she'll be quiet, I help her pack her bags and find somewhere else to live.
95% of what people bring me isn't complicated. But your inner mean girl wants you to think it is.
Why Everything Else You've Tried Hasn't Worked
Here's what I learned both in my schooling and working as a speech pathologist: If my client's nervous system was dysregulated, NOTHING I tried to teach them would stick. Nothing.
Same thing with your inner mean girl. You can't think your way out of a dysregulated nervous system. You can't positive-affirmation your inner critic into submission while you're still running on fight-or-flight.
It's like trying to renovate the second floor while the foundation is crumbling.
This is why most approaches fail - they skip the foundation work.
There's actually a sequence to this which you get through the weekly lessons:
- Future Self first (who are you becoming?)
- Nervous system regulation (build the foundation)
- Process feelings (feel without fixing)
- Rewire thoughts (only AFTER the foundation is solid)
Most people try to start with step 4. No wonder it doesn't stick.
BUT...the other thing I know?
These skills get mastered much quicker when you're not making a big f'ing deal about it.The solution to feeling content isn't by trying really really hard.
It's by returning to your natural state.
What if the solution is just... coming home?
Welcome home.
Calm AF Year isn't a course. It's not a program. It's a place to return.
It's where you come when you've been out in the world making everything complicated again.
It's where someone reminds you: "Oh right. I don't actually need to earn rest. I don't need to optimize my way to happiness. I can just... be human."
Here's what actually happens:
Every week, we get together. Same time. Same place. Like Sunday dinner at your most emotionally regulated friend's house.
You tell me what you're overcomplicating. I say "DUH" with love. Everyone remembers they're not actually broken.
You get a love letter every day. Not homework. Not an assignment. A love letter. With one simple thing to remember.
And that's it. No modules to complete. No worksheets to fill out. No complicated morning routine to master.
Just 52 weeks of someone helping you remember what you already know.
Testimonials:
"You asked one time on the podcast 'How often do you feel alive?' And when I realized my answer was never, I knew I needed to change. And then when I started working with you, you told me my goal wasn't to learn all the tools it was to feel alive at least once a day.
That, alone, has changed my life (as you know). It was easy to see what needed to go once I wasn't just barely getting through the days anymore. Now most of my life I feel alive. I am positive that I would've gotten swept into the old shit easily, so the love letters and weekly calls are the key." -LA
" I always learn something from either one of your spiels or from hearing your coach through somebody else's issue. It helps me, find alignment. And just reminds me of, okay, J, you know how to do this. And honestly, it feels really good to just not be alone.
-JK
I've done a lot of thinking about how this has impacted my life. And it's crazy, the differences. I mean, if you looked at me from outside, you probably wouldn't really see much of anything.
I'm in the same place. My family looks relatively the same, (with an extra)
But it's been life altering for sure, and every week I look forward to it.
-SH
What this is:
✅ 52 weeks of permission to stop making life so hard
✅ Science-backed reasons to do the simple thing
✅ Weekly recalibration with someone who sees through complications
✅ A community of recovering over-optimizers
✅ The intellectual backing your brain needs to finally relax
What it's not:
❌ Another course with modules to complete
❌ Homework assignments or worksheets
❌ Journaling prompts or tracking sheets
❌ A morning routine optimization system
❌ Tools to collect and organize
❌ More work to add to your already full life
The Investment
$200/month or $2000/year
(save $400 when you pay in full)
Frequently Asked Questions
When are the calls and what if the times don't work for me?
I'm already in Calm AF Life. Do I need to switch?
What's the difference between therapy and this?
Will I get individual attention in a group setting?
Can I get coached on specific issues like neurodiverse marriage or work problems?
Do I have to come to live calls?
What if my mean girl is really REALLY loud?
My guarantee.
You will feel better.
Not "maybe if you do the work." Not "if the stars align."
You WILL feel better.
Your marriage might improve. Your body might change. Your home or job or financial situation might change. Or not.
But you will definitely trust yourself more. You will definitely worry less about stupid shit. You will definitely remember that most problems aren't actually problems.
Everything else is just bonus.